Rethinking Christmas

Less Shopping, More Togetherness (On Your Own Terms)

This year we celebrated Christmas with a road trip to an indoor climbing competition followed by gift giving and valuable togetherness. Photo: Per Håkansson.

The weeks leading up to Christmas used to be a very stressful time but since I a) started to work for myself and b) scaled back gifting to one gift per son, December have become a very relaxing and soulful time.

I made this change about 14 years ago when I realized that I was free to design my own holiday schedule, and let go of everything that I found counter to personal wellbeing and human reason.

Breaking your back, trying to do everything for a single day of celebration, that is quickly and easily forgotten, doesn’t make sense. Instead, I decided to pick a few things that really mattered – now and in the long term.

Christmas began as a pagan ritual

Christmas before Christianity was a pagan ritual, celebrating the winter solstice (in the northern hemisphere), the shortest day of the year. It was a celebration of humanity, harvest, and nature.

When Christianity was born and spread from the Middle East to Europe over the centuries, there was a shift from nature to a religious deity and the name changed.

Except for in Scandinavia where the old traditions were so rooted in the local culture that neither a name change nor a change in traditions worked. Christmas became a blend of the old and the new (called Jul).

It’s for whatever you believe in, a mid-winter celebration where you gather with friends and family and enjoy the fruits of your hard labor, traditionally what you grew yourself but also an important time for reflection.

The commercialization of Christmas

It wasn’t until the early 19th century when authors like Washington Irving and Charles Dickens helped popularize the idea of a family-centric holiday with gift-giving.

Then in the 1840s, clever marketers saw the opportunity to commercialize the holidays by using Santa Claus imagery to sell more products in major cities like New York and Boston.

In 1862, Macy’s introduced the first in-store Santa Claus to further solidify the connection between Christmas and shopping, which has only accelerated since all across the world and has now become a shopping holiday.

The trigger to simplify

The trigger to simplify Christmas happened a little over a decade and a half ago when I celebrated Christmas with my then in-laws. The excess in food and gifting I experienced was just too much and I decided to change the story.

I told myself that when I had kids I would only give them one gift each, something really meaningful and useful, to show them that it’s quality over quantity that matters, instilling better long-term values.

I wanted them to really use their gifts all year around and not just for a few minutes on Christmas Day to then be discarded, forgotten, and left in a really dark corner of a closet or the garage.

One thoughtful and useful gift

By limiting the number of gifts to one each I had to put much more work into really figuring out what they needed at the relevant age and what I think they would appreciate, use and enjoy for a long time.

Once I did, the shopping became easy, often conducted before Thanksgiving and online with delivery straight to the door to be hidden on a top shelf, or when the gift was too big, in the darkest corners of the garage where kids don’t go.

During the years I’ve gifted them bikes, surfboards, scooters, tech devices, camping equipment, sports apparel et cetera. And very often pre-loved with the opportunity for reselling to upgrade in the future.

This year I bought them pre-loved sleeping bags that will last them at least a decade if taken care of properly. Just imagine all the memories that these bags will create, both now and through college.

No wrapping but unveiling

I have also shifted from wrapping the gifts to instead unveiling them in a fun way with a well-written card. This saves a lot of work both before and after, and doesn’t waste any wrapping material.

Surprisingly, the cards have become really important to them, read before digging into the gift, and then saved for which I’m very proud of. I try to write something thoughtful about who they are now and who I see they’re becoming.

The other thing that has made December so relaxing was that all the invites for Christmas parties stopped as soon as I began working for myself, remotely. Disappointing at first, then a big relief.

The holidays are for togetherness and reflection

Now I do believe that December is a great time to get together with friends but I rather go surfing or do something outdoors than participating in a drunken office party. It’s also a great time for reflection and New Years intentions (here and here).

Traditions are important and fun but they can also be an involuntary burden and prison. The opportunity we have is to pick what works for us from the past and add what we think is missing for the present and the future.

Here are a few ideas for simplifying Christmas holidays and shifting the focus from overconsumption and stress to community and relaxation.